This is something I wrote one night with tears running down my face thinking of ways to help me let go
of some of the pain and of guilt I held on for years as my mom was battling breast cancer and felt a huge release after writing it.
Writing was always very therapeutic for me as it got me through the tough and trying times of LIFE.
Here it goes…
“When words aren’t enough to express the hurt and you feel like no one understands what it feels like to lose the person that gave you life.
The guilt I felt when I thought I could’ve done more to help her ease the pain as she was fighting for her life.
I should’ve been there to take care of her, instead I ran away as far as I can to mask the pain I saw in her eyes.
I broke her heart over, and over again, rebellious in my ways thinking she would be OK and get well again.
I’ll never forget the look on her face the last time I saw her see me leave, wanting to hold me close but instead I turned around, left her and let go.
It’s been years and I still hold to this anger I have towards myself...how could I treat my own mother with no regards to her failing health?
Sometimes I wish I knew better back then what I know now.
Never ever take life for granted, cherish the people you love most right now.
It’s been hard not having her here, but I know she has guided our family through the years.
I know she’s proud of what me and brothers have become, proud to see her grand kids as she watches them from above.
I know she’s smiling, they’re so beautiful just like her.
I’ll continue to live my life showing my daughters your ways, continue with your legacy because I know that’s
within them, a piece of your heart running through their veins.
I might not say it out loud, but I miss you so much, sometimes I wish I could call, ask for advice or how to cook a certain dish.
Wishing you could be near and just a hug away or simply made me feel at ease when I didn’t know what to say.
I know you probably think I’ve forgotten about you...since my life’s been so busy, but I still think of you and I know that you miss me too.
Thanks for always looking out for me, I know there’s been times you’ve saved me from things I can’t explain.
Just know I love you so much, Mama.
Please forgive me for my bad ways...oh and by the way, I can’t wait to see you again. ❤️”
I was a bit hesitant to share this, but I hope this could help anyone going through anything in life that it is OK to be vulnerable.
We are human, and feelings of sadness and despair are OK if we can acknowledge them and move on.
Life is fragile and let a loved one know you are there for them, check in and let them know you care.
Don’t let the negative feelings stay for long and let go! Live life with no regrets and love today.